Penny and Pyro
by Red Witch
Summary: Scott's worried about Pyro joining the Misfits and the damage he'd cause to the mansion. He should be more worried about some of his own teammates.


**Penny tore to shreds the disclaimer saying that I don't own any X-Men or GI Joe characters. This is just a silly fic I thought I'd put out for the fun of it. Takes place during Days of Our Mutant Lives. **

**Penny and Pyro**

"Scott I think you're overreacting," Jean sighed.

"I am **not **overreacting!" Scott snapped. "Pyro is a backstabbing, manipulative lunatic who will burn us all any chance he gets!"

"And you are an anal retentive, trigger happy retard who would gleefully zap us any chance **you** get," Lance said. "But we put up with you anyway."

Several Misfits and X-Men were in the Professor's study with the Professor. "I'm serious you psychotic school destroying **loon**," Scott glared at Lance.

"So am I, pigeon brained, stick up the butt **baboon**," Lance snapped.

"Here we go," Rogue said sarcastically. "It's like listening to a presidential debate full of intelligence and wit."

"Yeah who should be president of the Name Calling Nuts Society," Wanda agreed.

"Scott, I understand that you and the X-Men have certain reservations of allowing Pyro a former enemy, visit the X-Mansion with the Misfits," Xavier began diplomatically. He didn't get a chance to finish.

"Actually we have reservations about the Misfits visiting **period!"** Kitty spoke up.

"Yeah but you got over it," Todd shrugged.

"No we didn't," Kitty glared at him. "We still tell you guys not to visit and then you show up anyway!"

"You always say that," Todd waved.

"**Constantly** Toad!" Kitty's voice rose. "We **constantly** tell you not to come over! **Some** of you more than others!" She glared at Lance.

"I miss you too Kitty," Lance mocked at his ex-girlfriend. "LIKE I MISS THE CHICKEN POX!"

"Can we get back to the problem here?" Scott asked. "The problem named Pyro?"

"What do you have against Pyro?" Althea asked. "Besides the fact he's a Misfit?"

"Oh I dunno," Kurt gave her a look. "Fires, death, **more **fires, second degree burns, **go figure!"**

"Oh yeah like **that's** never happened around here before," Fred rolled his eyes.

"I don't even know why you let Pyro **in **the Misfits!" Scott snapped. "He's an insane criminal!"

"Scott," Rogue gave him a look. "Where exactly have you **been** the past couple of years? Living in a cave or something?"

"You know what I mean!" Scott snapped.

"Not really," Kurt said.

"He's a criminal! He did criminal things working under Magneto! So why would the army just take him?" Scott asked.

"They same reason they took me," Shane told him. "The army's on this mutant recruitment kick."

"Yeah they're so desperate to keep up with Canada in the New Cold War they installed a new policy that any mutant convicted or suspected of a crime can serve out his sentence working for the government," Todd said.

"You're kidding?" Kitty asked.

"Nope and since Pyro's underage and we've had dealings with him he goes to us," Althea said. "Besides he was only proven to have participated in seven cases of arson while working under Magneto. None of them had any fatalities."

"Yeah and since **two** of them turned out to be Magneto's own bases…" Todd added.

"During my experience with Apocalypse I did get a glimpse of the future," Xavier reminded them. "And one of them was an adult Pyro with some of the Misfits."

"Yeah I mean it's kind of a no brainier if you think about it," Rogue admitted.

"We can't let Pyro run around loose!" Scott snapped. "He used to work for Magneto!"

"So did Remy," Remy said.

"Well there you go," Scott pointed out.

"And me," Rogue added. "And Colossus!"

"Yeah but you were all tricked or blackmailed," Scott pointed out. "Doesn't count."

"The Brotherhood worked for him too," Todd said.

"And yet again," Scott added pointing at Todd and the other Misfits.

"Scott I understand your concerns," Xavier said. "And believe me I share a **lot** of them. But from what I have glimpsed of Pyro's mind…He was truly abandoned by Magneto and he isn't really evil. He just has…Problems."

"Problems? **Problems?"** Scott yelled. "**Avalanche** has problems! Pyro is just plain **nuts!"**

"Wait a minute," Lance gave him a look. "You think **Pyro** is crazier than me?"

"Yes!" Scott said.

"Pyro is crazier than Lance?" Rogue gave him a look. "You think Pyro is crazier than **Lance Alvers**? **That **Lance Alvers? The Lance Alvers who used to serenade Kitty at three o'clock in the morning and give her driving lessons?"

"Lance Alvers who has a temper and makes lame rock puns?" Kurt asked.

"Don't forget the invisible coyote," Wanda pointed out.

"How can **anyone **forget the invisible coyote?" Althea asked.

"HELLO? I'M RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW?" Lance snapped. "OR WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO SET OFF AN EARTHQUAKE TO REMIND YOU?"

"And don't forget he's really got some abandonment issues," Todd went on.

"He has issues period," Kurt agreed.

"Apparently I **am **crazy," Lance groaned. "I talk to myself all the time and no one listens to me!"

"Getting back to the issue," Xavier cut in before Lance decided to create that earthquake after all. "I did do a somewhat thorough investigation of Pyro's mind. Don't you think if he really wanted to betray us I would not know about it?"

"**Somewhat** thorough?" Rogue asked. "What does **that **mean?"

"I really didn't want to go into to his issues with pineapples," Xavier shuddered. "**Don't** ask. **Please **don't ask."

"Pineapples?" Rogue blinked. "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Pyro **is **crazier than Lance!"

"I'm still here you know?" Lance snapped.

"You were never all there to begin with," Kitty said.

"I must not have been if I was in love with you!" Lance retorted.

"Will you two quit it already?" Pietro said. "Look despite what you think Summers, Pyro isn't completely evil."

"This from an expert," Scott snorted. "He willingly went with Magneto!"

"He made a mistake," Pietro said. "He's had a hard time with humans and being accepted by people. He was easily swayed. Magneto is very persuasive."

"Especially when he's pointing a sharp metal object at your throat," Todd nodded. "He's **really** persuasive then!"

"I'm sorry, I just have a hard time understanding the fact that you all just up and accept him into your little group of maniacs without a problem," Scott said. "Especially since he rejected your help way back on Asteroid M and just went off with Magneto!"

"Well what about what these guys did to me you know?" Todd jabbed his thumb at Lance, Fred and Pietro. "I mean they just **stood** there while Magneto and Mystique beat the crap out of me, threw me outta a jet and left me to die! Just stood there…" Todd glared at them. "Doing absolutely nothing. Not a thing. Nothing. Nada. Zippo. It hurt like hell too!"

"Oh boy…" Pietro sunk low in his seat. "Here we go…"

"But I forgave them," Todd recovered.

"After you beat the crap outta us," Lance gave him a look.

"True, but I still forgave them," Todd said.

"I still don't get how you can just suddenly let him into the Misfits," Scott grunted.

"Summers you have no idea what went on in the Brotherhood," Lance said. "When we were under Magneto's control he dominated our entire lives. He drilled his ideology of mutant superiority into our heads day after day until it became almost second nature to us! Do you know what it's **like** to have your **thoughts** controlled by a powerful mutant. To have this belief **drilled **into your head so that it's the **only **goal in your life? To have anyone even **question **this belief will seem like the ultimate betrayal? To live with this day after day, year after year? To be molded into some kind of soldier with no will of your own for a cause that's….Look who I'm **talking** to!"

"Ironic isn't it?" Fred nodded.

"What do you mean?" Scott asked. He looked at the other X-Men. "Anybody know what they're talking about?"

"No idea," Kurt said quickly, shaking his head.

The other X-Men muttered the exact same thing. "Nope, nothing. Not a thing. Not a clue."

"But still…" Rogue decided to get off this track of thinking quickly. "You gotta admit, **Pyro?"**

"The guy goes to therapy now at least once a day," Wanda said. "Not that it does much good but at least it keeps him from burning things down."

"Of course now Psyche-Out has taken up collecting matches and muttering things under his breath," Todd thought.

"Oh **that **makes me feel so much better!" Scott threw up his hands.

"He's not exactly running around loose you know?" Althea said. "He doesn't have his lighter with him. And we make sure someone is with him at all times."

"Who's with him now?" Scott asked.

"How the hell should I know?" Althea shrugged.

"I need an aspirin…" Scott moaned.

"I think I saw him with Wolverine and Magma a while back," Angelica said.

"MAGMA? YOU LEFT AMARA **ALONE** WITH PYRO?" Scott shouted.

"Uh no, he's with **Wolverine** and Amara," Angelica corrected, giving him a look. "Think about it for a moment Cyclops."

"I am thinking," Scott twitched. "Thinking of ways Pyro can use Amara's powers to his advantage. Why would he…? Oh god! He's going to use Amara's fire powers to create temperatures so hot that he'd melt the adamantium off his bones! That's his plan! Magneto set him up! That's got to be it! And then he'll give it to Magneto and destroy the mansion in the process! X-Men move out! We gotta stop him!"

Scott ran off to save the Institute. No one left with him.

Everyone remaining looked at Xavier. "All right I **know** what you're thinking," Xavier sighed. "In my defense I didn't do **anything **different with Scott than I did with any of my other students. It's just that...Sometimes he's just…very easily influenced. Especially by authority figures."

"No kidding," Kurt said. "Pyro's not the only one who needs some therapy around here."

"And probably Amara and Wolverine," Wanda thought. "Why would they of all people **willingly** spend time with **Pyro**?"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"So who's this friend you two want me to meet?" Pyro asked cheerfully as he walked with Amara and Logan down to the lower levels of the Institute. "Is she cute? Does she make fire?"

"She doesn't make fire but she can be a real handful sometimes," Logan said diplomatically.

"But she's cute right? Amara you said this girl would really like me!" Pyro said cheerfully. "Not that I would ever cheat on you or Angelica love…But since you said this girl would really go for me…"

"Oh that's what I'm **hoping** for," Amara made an evil grin.

"Yeah I have a feeling this girl won't be able to keep her hands **off **of you," Logan grinned back at Amara.

They went to a room where Hank was taking off some kind of strange armor over his chest. He had a few cuts and scratches on his face and arms. "Hey Beast Man! What's happening?" Pyro waved. "What happened to you?"

"Oh just doing a little medical examination," Hank grumbled.

"Who's sick?" Pyro asked.

"ME?" Hank pointed to his cuts. "I must have been out of my mind to let Forge talk me into trying out this lousy excuse for protective gear! When I get my hands on him…"

"Protective gear? For what? What's in there?" Pyro pointed to the door.

"This is the room of one of the Institutes'…Special students," Hank said carefully.

"Special student?" Pyro asked. "How do you get to be a special student in a place full of mutant nut jobs?"

"Mr. Alyderice," Hank said sternly. "We are **not**…"

Just then Dead Girl, Betsy and Tabitha ran by. "Are you sure he went this way?" Tabitha yelled.

"Positive," Dead Girl said. "KURT COBAIN YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW AND GREET YOUR FANS! AND THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO JIM MORRISON!"

"Jimmy!" Tabitha shouted gleefully as they ran. "COME TO MAMA!"

Hank blinked. "I see your point Pyro."

"We just thought that Pyro would like to meet a new friend," Amara said. "A new girlfriend."

"Really?" Hank looked at Logan. "Wolverine. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, like the Princess said," Logan shrugged. "I mean since Charles insisted that I can't…" He gave a glare at Pyro. "Prevent Pyro from coming over here…"

"The Professor threatened to turn him into a six year old girl if he killed me," Pyro said cheerfully. "I would like to have seen that even if I was dead."

"Wishes can come true," Amara gave him a look. "I mean, I'm sure you and Penance will get on like a house on fire."

"Ooh! There's going to be a fire?" Pyro said hopefully.

"We'll see," Logan rolled his eyes.

"So do I," Hank smirked. "The little loophole you found."

"We're going to set fire to a hole of some kind?" Pyro asked.

"Not today…" Logan tensed up. "Let's go meet Penny and get this over with."

"I can't watch this," Hank shook his head and started to shuffle away. Then he stopped. "Yes I can." He went back and opened the door.

Inside was a brightly colored children's room with a bed, dresser, a small TV on the wall and several shredded toys. "Penny lived upstairs for a while but we moved her to her own room on the basement levels after a few…incidents," Hank admitted.

"Little pink knife kept getting out and chasing mailmen all over town," Logan grumbled as Penny saw them and bounded over to them on all fours. "And a few cops!"

"Logan!" Amara hissed, giving him a quick elbow in the ribs. "What he means is that Penny is misunderstood."

"That police officer certainly had no problems understanding her wishes when she used her hair to cut her way out of the police car and into that china shop," Hank quipped.

"Her hair?" Pyro asked.

"She has extremely dense skin and hair. Her hair is very sharp as well as her claws," Hank explained.

"Oh she's so cute!" Pyro squealed. "So sharp and dangerous! Just like a little baby flame!"

Penny squealed back and gave Pyro a careful hug. "Aw so friendly too!" Pyro grinned.

"I'll be," Logan grunted in disappointment. "Pinky actually **likes** him."

"No Penny!" Amara stomped her foot. "Kill! Kill!"

Penny just looked at her. "GET HIM! KILL! KILL!" Amara screamed. "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? KILL HIM! KILL HIM!"

"Come on, Princess," Logan dragged her away. "This was obviously a **bad **idea."

"NO! NO!" Amara screamed as Hank helped Logan take her away. "It'll work I tell you! Penny! Get him! Get him!"

The door slammed behind them. "I think they want us to be alone for a while," Pyro blinked. "I wonder what she's so worked up about?"

Penny made a small squeal. "Oh I get it now!" Pyro snapped his fingers. "This is a test! She wants to see how good I am with small children! Of course! It's so obvious!"

Pyro knelt down to Penny's eye level. "You and me are gonna be real pals! You bet! Now what should we do first? Any ideas?"

Penny just blinked. "Hmmm," Pyro thought. "No idea huh? I got it! Treats! Kids love treats! Look Penny," He took out a small flask from his pants. "I snuck this from home. Smell that. It's called coffee. Doesn't it smell good?"

Penny took a sniff and her eyes widened in delight. "Yeah I heard that there's this chef at the Pit named BO or BW or something that makes real good coffee," Pyro nodded. "I was gonna save it for later…Oh wait, it's later **now!** You want some?"

Penny made a happy squeak. "Okay then…" Pyro grinned.

Back outside…

"I don't believe it…" Logan groaned. "I don't **freaking **believe it. Mailmen, cops, superstars, old ladies…squirrels…The **first thing** she does to all of them is pounce on them and rip 'em to shreds! And what does she do with Pyro? NOTHING!"

"Maybe she's just tired?" Amara said hopefully.

"Maybe Pinky is smarter than she lets on," Logan grunted. "She's doing this to annoy me! You know that!"

"That's not true! How can you say that?" Hank asked.

"Because that's what they **all** do to me!" Logan snapped. "All of you kids live to find ways to drive me crazy!"

"We do not," Amara said. "Well not all of us. I know Tabitha and Bobby…And sometimes Kitty…"

"Logan! Amara!" Scott ran up to them. "Are you all right? Where's Pyro? I don't smell any smoke! Did you foil Pyro's plan? Where's the fire extinguishers? Do we need more fire extinguishers?"

"Relax Scott," Amara sighed. "Logan and I were trying something but it didn't work."

"I tell you I was **sure** that this would have done it!" Logan grumbled. "The one time I want Pinky to **maul **someone…"

"RRRRARRRRR!" Penny happily broke through the door and leapt up on Scott.

"You know we really should have put a **metal** door on there instead of a **wooden **one," Amara remarked.

"PENNY NO!" Scott screamed.

"We **did** have a metal door," Logan said. "But it got blown up yesterday by one of Forge's inventions. That's a temporary replacement. And now we need a** temporary replacement** for the **temporary replacement."**

"OW! PENNY NO STOP LICKING ME! EVEN YOUR TONGUE IS SHARP!" Scott screamed.

"You got your wish Logan," Hank said. "She **is** mauling someone."

"PENNY GET OFF ME!" Scott screamed. "YEOW!"

"What's going on?" Jean, the rest of the X-Men and Misfits ran up.

"Hello everyone!" Pyro came out of the room. "Penny and I are playing! Isn't she cute?"

"What are you playing? Shred the Cyclops?" Kurt blinked as Scott was trying to get the enthusiastic and overly affectionate Penny off him.

"Ooh! Can I play?" Lance held up his hand.

"We were trying to get Penny to shred Pyro but…" Logan sighed.

"COULD SOMEONE HELP ME HERE?" Scott shouted. Then Penny accidentally knocked off Scott's glasses, which sent a huge optic blast right through the ceiling.

"Yikes!" Kurt barely got out of the way of some ceiling debris.

"And to think Summers was worried about **Pyro** setting the mansion on fire," Lance mocked.

"Yeah getting those two together was a **great **idea, Amara," Bobby groaned.

"Technically it was Wolverine's," Amara said quickly.

"LIAR!" Logan snapped. "IT WAS NOT!"

"WAS TOO!" Amara snapped.

"WAS NOT!"

"WAS TOO!"

"HOW DID THIS HOLE GET IN THE FLOOR?" Paige was heard screaming.

"CAN'T A GUY TAKE A SHOWER IN THIS PLACE WITHOUT GETTING KILLED?" Doug was also heard screaming.

"THERE'S A HOLE IN THE CELING!" Ray was heard shouting. "AND WHY AM I SOAKING WET?"

Meanwhile Jean had used her telekinesis to separate her boyfriend from his very eager and sharp little pink friend. "Penny! No! Stop squirming!" She snapped as she tried to hold onto her.

"She's just happy! Because we're friends!" Pyro said happily. He took out the flask and started to dance around. _"Sing along with Pyro and Penny, Penny and Pyro tra la la la la! We are inseparable always close together! We are irreparable when we are apart!" _

"Please tell me that's not BA's coffee in his flask," Hank covered his eyes with his huge hand.

"Okay I won't tell you," Logan sighed. "I can smell the fumes from here."

"This is so your fault," Amara grumbled.

"It is **not!"** Logan shouted back.

"Maybe we **should** let Pyro bring his lighter over?" Rogue sighed. "He seems to create a lot **less **damage with it!"


End file.
